five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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