morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
