Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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