omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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