I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
