Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
