ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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