There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Houston, we have a blender
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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