I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
