I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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