I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
