I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
