Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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