So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
