i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
