He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
