so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
