so let's talk penis.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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