if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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