I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
