I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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