I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
