I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
How does it feel to date your dad?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
