i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
