someone owes me an orgasm
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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