So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
