Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
