I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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