You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
