i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
