A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
