So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
