just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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