i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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