I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
