My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
