I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
