honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The power of my boobs compel you
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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