His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
