Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
