he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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