Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
