She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
