Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
