If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
