actually, I'm a sock model
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
