pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
