One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Randomize
