Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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