I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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