I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize