Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
