It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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