used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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