he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
