im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
