Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
