Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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