Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Can you bring me the toilet please
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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