yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
