Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
