a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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