i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
