I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
