butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
