so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
