She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
