I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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