Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
