If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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