Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
