So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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