Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
