More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
