omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize