Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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