All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
