Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
