Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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